i told jared last night. i guess that since i told him i can actually spill it out in here 'casue it doesn't matter who finds out now becasue jared knows now.

basically i cheated on him, repeatedly. i kissed (along with other things) another guy and have been spending way to much time with him. don't get me wrong, i still love jared with all my heart.... just sometimes i need someone who is here and is willing to come over just because i need a hug and is able to be with me when i need someone to be with me and will kiss me and make me feel better because i need to feel better when i'm stressed about classes and finals and tests and what i'm going to do with my life and will give me a back rub until i've been put to sleep and i'm a horrible person, i know.

so that is basically the summary of the past couple of weeks and the strange entries in my diary, because i'm sure that i have a hundred thousand readers who were wondering what the fuck i was talking about. nothing really, i was just cheating on the man i love with the man who is conviently here.

how did he react? i'm not exactly sure. he hasn't been having a good month, and i know that this was just going to make it worse. he said that he had an idea. well, yeah... he can still read my mind. i feel like i just make his life worse sometimes. he said that he wasn't going to try and tell me what to do. we got into a long discussion over whether or not it was worth it to even try having a long distance relationship. i'm not sure what we ended up deciding. really, it's up to him now. i wouldn't blame him if he broke up with me because i'm a horrible girlfriend. i wouldn't. but i still want to be with him so bad.... i would stop everything i have with jim in a second if it meant that i could keep jared, but i don't know if i've already screwed up so bad in that department that i can't fix it. we talked for about two hours last night about it... there was a lot of conversation that consisted of no talking and quite a bit of thinking.

i love jared.

i love jared more than anything.

i would be willing to give up anything for him.

because i love him.

anyways, change of topic... the matrix

it was pretty good... there are gonna be a crapload of spoilers coming up... so scroll through if you don't care...

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okay, end of spoiler space.

so some of it was really cheesy and predictable. really predictable. but i know that at the end of the movie i was kinda sitting there going, "thats it? thats how it ends?" its kinda depressing when trinity dies, i know that i almost cried, but i was almost expecting trinity to die, and of course after trinity dies we all know that neo cant go on without her so we know that he's going to do everything in his power to do what it takes to save zion without any care what it does to himself. it was very biblical, even when it shows him dieing and he's all spread out like a cross and the light shows and it comes out of him in the shape of a cross... very biblical, "i will die to save everyone" kind of a thing even though there really wasn't anything left for him to live for.

the scene where he was fighting smith ROCKED. really, it was just absolutley cool. i liked the fact that they actually put it in the rain, probably to cover up any special effects that didn't turn out that good, but it really really looked cool, there was only one like three second spot while they were flying that smith looked really cgi but other than that it was good.

i liked the fight for zion scenes, they were really cool... but i really have to go look like i'm doing something productive, because i've been typing on this for probably a bit to long and i'm not really doing anything at all and this has gotten very long and i really hope that i have a better day tomorrow than i've had the past couple of weeks....

go cougs! game on saturday!

bye bye diaryland - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
shit - Wednesday, Nov. 03, 2004
my eye hurts - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2004
no phone, no internet - Sunday, Aug. 22, 2004
wtf mate? - Sunday, Aug. 08, 2004