and thats what i'm afraid of really.... i'm afraid more than anything that you're not going to want to come see me. I'm afraid that you're going to be here all summer with michelle and bethany and whoever else around here you've fucked and you're not ging to want me anymore.

i'm afraid that you're going to find someone else who is better than me, who's more your type. Someone who is better for you. someone who is better at doing what you like done to you. someone who doesn't whine as much or want to steal time from you as much.

thats what i'm scared of.

is it silly or is it legit? i don't know.

you know i'm not trying to put a guilt trip on you, i just get so upset when you tell me you'll call and then you don't. or you tell me that i can come over and hang out with you, even if you'd had plans the whole time to hang out with someone else. i get upset when you're more worried about your truck or your fish than the fact that i'm freaking out over something. i get upset when i have a bad day and something you do makes it worse. yes, something you've done has made my bad days even worse. in some cases they've MADE my day a bad day.

I need you to understand this.

I am a very insecure girl. I want you all to myself and right now i have no way of making you all mine. This really really really bothers me.

I care about you and want you to be happy, but i need to be happy too...

if you're not careful, maybe i will take jim up on it one of these times that he asks if me if i want him to come over and make me feel better when i'm lonely. I know that sounds like threat, and in some ways it is. I need you to be there for me right now, but right now you keep pulling away, and that scares me.

<>< Julianne

bye bye diaryland - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
shit - Wednesday, Nov. 03, 2004
my eye hurts - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2004
no phone, no internet - Sunday, Aug. 22, 2004
wtf mate? - Sunday, Aug. 08, 2004