so yeah, i want you to come here, i want to see you. it's been two weeks (a little over actually) and i miss you like crazy. i'm not going to make it the rest of the summer without you. i will visit you at least once, i promise, but that may not be for awhile, first i have to get a job and and money and a car and all that nice happy fun stuff.

i miss looking into your eyes, i miss your smile, i miss that feeling when i'm in your arms.... so safe, so happy. i miss that smell you have, yes you have one whether you think so or not. it gets into my hair and i'll smell you until i take a shower, and even still that is some remaining residue on my pillow for a few hours after that...

i want you to come see me here, not just because i'm poor and can't afford gas, but because i want to be completely alone with you, no roommates, no annoying phone calls (haha, no one gets reception at my house...) just me and you, by ourselves... talking, watching movies, hanging out, together. without people nagging about anything else thats going on, and no distractions.... i do want you to actually meet my parents, they've heard about you, a bit... (yes, i talk about you.... i tell my mom almost everything.... she's youe of my best friends) but they obviously don't know you.... meet some of my friends here, meet my llama... if he doesn't spit on you then i have to keep you around ;)

i want you to see my hair, it's cute... i want you to help me go shopping for a swimsuit like we talked about. i just want to look in your eyes and get lost. i do that you know, i'll look into your eyes and feel myself just melting away... the only thing that is important is what is being said and expressed in those eyes... just thinking about it makes me want to just close my eyes and think about what your eyes look like... windows into the sould, yes... also windows into the heart. your eyes give away what you're feeling at times... even when you don't want to admit it out loud... even if you wont even admit it to yourself, your eyes tell the whole story.

From here i don't know what is going through your head, your heart... i know what you're telling me and what you say can be as sweet and make me so happy, but whether you realise you're doing it or not, you can also make me go to bed thinking "why am i even wasting my time with this?"

you are one of the best friends i've ever had. at least at school. nothing (so far) can really compare to the people i've known all my life... but you're different, and that difference is what attracts me to you... it's what makes you so special to me... there are so many run of the mill people out there that could make me happy for a little while, but it wouldn't be nearly as fulfilling as the happiness that you can bring to me.

i miss playing with your hair. touching your chest. leaning my head on your shoulder and watching a movie while you have your arm around me. i miss sleeping next to you... you're so warm... i'm never cold when i'm next to you (unless you steal the covers, but thats not likely considering that i'm a blanket hog)... most of all i miss waking up next to you. i miss kissing you on hte cheek, and since i almost always wake up before you... i miss watching you sleep for those few minutes that i'm awake while you're still sleeping.

i miss dreaming of something in the middle of the night, and then waking up to find that it is reality.

here waking up from those dreams is depressing... as is looking at an empty bed in a cold room. i know that you're not here, and that you're not likely to be here for a long time...

hopefully i can come see you soon. or you can come see me. with gas prices how they are.... i know... getting time off from jobs will be the next problem, and the next thing either of us knows it will be the end of summer. and then it will be entirely new reasons for us to never see each other...

it's so lonely here... 200 miles away from you.

but the thought that scares me more is being this lonely when i'm only a mile away.

i will have to survive with the phone, and the internet.... where would i be without the internet? crazy, thats where.... i miss you, and love you. maybe this will all work out.

maybe my foot wont fall asleep everytime i sit down.

maybe i can actually sleep a whole night without waking up at four or five in the morning thinking about how you aren't here (or i'm not there... it depends on the day).

my rats miss you too ;)

as does the fish...

but most importantly, i miss you.

give me a call sometime.... i'm always here... at least until i get a job... blah.

<>< Julianne

bye bye diaryland - Monday, Nov. 08, 2004
shit - Wednesday, Nov. 03, 2004
my eye hurts - Tuesday, Oct. 05, 2004
no phone, no internet - Sunday, Aug. 22, 2004
wtf mate? - Sunday, Aug. 08, 2004